Communication is the foundation for all relationships, and therefore the source of most conflicts. Often we fight about HOW we fight, rather than WHAT we fight about.
The Love Languages
The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman is an excellent resources for couples, parents, teachers, bosses, colleagues, and many more. A quick summary: each human has a mother’s tongue, and many can speak many secondary languages. If you say “Goeie More” (“good day” in Afrikaans) to e.g. a French person, the message will be lost in translation. Similarly, we have a primary language for the giving and receiving of love. These languages can be acquired at any time should you wish to learn to love your person in their language.
Chapman suggests that there are five languages:
- Gifts (e.g. picking flowers in the garden as a token to indicate “I thought of you”)
- Acts of service (e.g. doing chores)
- Non-sexual touch (e.g. hugs, tickles, reading a story together)
- Words of affirmation (e.g. love letters, social media posts, appreciation and encouragement)
- Quality time (e.g. spending time watching sport although you’d rather be reading a book)
Language of Apology
There are a variety of spin offs on the topic including love languages for kids, teens, singles, and more. Today I wish to emphasise the five languages of apology (when sorry isn’t enough). Chapman and Thomas list five languages of apology:
- Expressing regret (I apologize)
- Accepting responsibility (I was wrong)
- Making restitution (How can I make it right?)
- Genuinely repenting (I’ll try not do that again)
- Requesting forgiveness (Please forgive me)
Check out the language quiz here. Take note of the languages and needs of those around you. Just because it is crystal clear to you doesn’t mean that others got it. For help in learning your person’s language or figuring out your own language, contact me.